un-wired mom

The lure of the screen. tv. phone. computer. it doesn't matter. It's there calling your name. Spend time with me it says. Look inside and see what's on, see who's commenting, get connected. But then there is a gentle tug from a little one asking you to "spend time with me" and if you're like me at all you say "just a minute". And then "just a minute" becomes twenty. And then feelings are hurt, spirits are crushed. Little ones don't stay little for long. The computer will always be there. That sweet little baby will soon be six and starting first grade and losing teeth and pretending to have her own cell phone where she texts and plays games and tells people "just a minute". A slap in the face without any hands. A kick to the stomach and a reality check all in one.

The real-in-the-flesh child, husband, and friends, are all asking for our attention and sometimes we are so great at giving it, other times we're caught up in our social web of veiled reality. We see the perfect parts of peoples days. We see the edited photos, the funny anecdotes, the stories of triumph. We see the highlight reel while living in our own "bloopers". I love to post a photo and watch for the "likes" to increase and the comments to roll in. But I need to turn my heart and mind from that and find my value and worth in Christ. Often times in my mind I think about how "I'll never measure up to her", "I'll never be as funny, as skinny, as crafty, gifted or as good of a cook as that mom" but do my kids care? Not one bit. I've never heard my kids say "I wish you did ________ like her mom does" or "If only you were a little skinnier"...well, I've heard versions of that last one but I try not to take it too personally (they are just kids after all).

I am joining the un-wired mom challenge that Sarah Mae is hosting. I have started to take baby steps in getting un-wired, I deleted the Facebook app from my phone (but I still use the browser to log on sometimes - guilty). I don't use my computer too often when the kids are awake but there are days when I am sucked into the vortex and can't seem to get away. We've had weeks where we rarely turn the tv on while the kids are awake and weeks where we watch a movie every afternoon. Sometimes we do okay. Sometimes not so much. I realize there needs to be a balance and there needs to be grace. But there also needs to be work towards a better reality. Things in life are not just handed to us on a silver platter (although we often times think that for some people they are), things that are good are worth working hard on. Talk to anyone who is actually trying to lose weight the right way, they will tell you that it's hard hard work but that it's worth it.

I am trying to be more intentional with my kids, with my daily quiet time, with my communication with my husband. It's a lot to work on and it's hard. I fail miserably many many times each week, but I know that if I give up it's just going to get worse. I know that if I just throw in the towel I will have huge regrets in five years (or less). I know that I need to give myself grace and allow myself to fail sometimes without all the mommy guilt as long as I pick myself back up and start again. As long as I turn to Christ and rely on His strength. So, I will join the challenge and I will learn through the process what it really means to be intentional. What it means to be un-wired. To use technology as it was meant to be, a tool, not as an escape or a boredom buster or to find out my worth. I will use technology to communicate with friends far away, but I will visit friends who are close in real life, in the flesh, in their homes and mine. I will not be completely un-wired but I will learn how to use it better and not let it control my life. I will be intentional with my time and yes, I will fail, but I will get up again and keep striving to do better. For them. For Him.